


The greatest Man to ever go

by lulumonnie



Category: B.A.P
Genre: Bickering, Crack, Gen, Humor, Istg I was neither drunk nor high when I wrote this, Just don't question my sanity please, Light Swearing, OT6, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Someone turns into a fruit and shenanigans ensue, Weirdness, What Was I Thinking?, very bad humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 20:40:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14480790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulumonnie/pseuds/lulumonnie
Summary: An epic tale of love, friendship, sins, commitment and fruits or what my brain comes up with when I’m running on three hours of sleep. Basically, Youngjae turns into a mango in turn for the power to dominate the world and/or the universe and shenanigans ensue.





	The greatest Man to ever go

Jongup woke up to a hysteric scream on this particular morning. Groaning something along the lines of „Which idiot is making so much noise I wanna sleep“ he climbed out of bed, his shirt hanging off his shoulder, exposing his collarbones while he groggily rubbed his eyes and blindly felt around for his glasses before giving up and just resigning to his squinty and unclear fate, stepping out of his room to look for the source of that god-awful noise in the early (ok maybe not that early) hours of the still young day (In fact the day wasn’t really that young anymore, it just graduated from high school and was kissing its parents goodbye as they tearfully watched their baby leave for college but Jongup didn’t really care about all those specifics).

  
He slowly shuffled into the kitchen being greeted by an equally tired and obviously pissed off Himchan that kept grumbling something about: “Damn Main Vocalists“, and “I need my beauty sleep, this God-given face needs rest, kids shut up for God’s sake before I murder someone.“ Their eyes met and the both of them shared a moment of mutual distaste for early mornings and loud roommates/ members/ family. Groaning in unison they left the kitchen to go nag one particularly loud bird, but when they arrived at Youngjae’s room, the door was wide open and a red-faced, panicked Daehyun ran out, screaming on top of his lungs so hysterically that Jongup actually had to cover his ears to avoid them getting permanently damaged. Himchan looked about ready to throw the unexpected guest off the roof but then Daehyun’s nonsensical screaming morphed into actual words and he screamed:

  
“YOUNGJAE TURNED INTO A MANGO“

  
Himchan’s murderous expression darkened severely and he hissed:

  
“Jung Daehyun, I will give you five seconds to apologize for interrupting our beauty sleep and another five for leaving this house immediately or I swear to god I will tell Yongguk about that time you sneakily took a picture of him during our debut days because you had a giant crush on him and set it as your phone background for three months.“

  
”Hyung, you don’t understand! Youngjae turned into a mango! I’m being serious here! Also, you swore to never speak of that again okay, that was like five years ago and don’t act like you didn’t have that photo of Yongguk in that bathrobe or whatever it was as your background like two weeks ago!“

  
“Well look who’s talking, you have Yoo Youngjae squishing his face as yours!“

  
”Well, it’s cute, can you blame me? I’m not the one with some weird fetish for Jongup’s butt!“

  
”Right, Dae, keep telling yourself that, Uppie’s butt is loved by all, come on, don’t lie to yourself. At least he has a butt not like your favourite Jaejae who’s completely flat!“

  
“Um, excuse me, have you seen Youngjae lately?? Hyung, you should really get your eyes checked out if you believe that our Youngjae is flat, he’s been exercising a lot lately and lemme tell you in tight black pants and leather he looks absolutely-“

  
“Oh my god, shut up, both of you! Your making my head hurt“, the voice of said not at all flat man interrupted:

  
“Jongup let’s leave those two to quarrel and eat some breakfast, I feel violated.“

  
Jongup, who had been squinting confusedly at the two hyungs bickering and then just enjoyed the show of a red Daehyun going against a sleepy and pissed off Himchan, reminiscing the countless episodes of Tom and Jerry he watched as a kid and then remembering what else he might have been doing instead of watching the personification of a cartoon cat and mouse bicker in front of his friend’s bedroom, looked up at the mention of his name and asked:

  
“Cereal?”, looking around for his grey-haired friend, not finding him anywhere. Confused, he started looking behind him, thinking Youngjae was playing some sort of prank on him but then the slightly amused voice returned:

  
“Down here, Uppie.”

  
Jongup looked down, wondering if Youngjae just decided to fully embrace his snakeness but he was met with the sight of a mango on legs with a tuft of hair that looked suspiciously like that of everyone’s favourite royal chocolate vocal. Blinking a few times, Jongup turned around, rubbed his eyes and then looked back at the mango that seemed to be looking at him with a slight very Youngjae-esque pout. Jongup blinked again and then decided that this was all a very vivid dream and left the scene to return to bed, preferably to watch whatever crazy anime his mind could come up in his subconscious, when he felt something round hit his shoulder.

  
“Yah! Moon Jongup! Don’t leave me with those two idiots!”, a voice shouted into his ear and Jongup questioned whether or not he’d completely lost the last bit of his sanity from enduring so much screaming every day of his life. He looked over his shoulder to tell dream-Dae and dream-Himchan to tone it down, but he was met with a lot of yellow and an angry pout on squishy lips.

  
“I told you, I want breakfast, you dummy. Now carry your hyung to the kitchen like a good dongsaeng. I’m tired of walking on these tiny ass legs.”

  
Taking a moment to process what just happened, Jongup turned his head back to the talking mango on his shoulder. He shook his head at his own subconscious and decided to just live out his dream and finally be able to do everything he wanted. He sighed happily and thought of all the cereal he could eat without gaining any weight and how many crazy dance stunts he could pull off now that the rules of gravity didn’t apply anymore, when a short yellow arm nudged his cheek and he decided to just roll with the flow and find as much cereal and Swiss Miss as possible, before he’d head off to America to go through the entire menu of Shake Shack.

  
He left the two older men who were still bickering behind and entered the kitchen, the talking MangoJae on his shoulder satisfied that the younger was finally listening to his words. After grabbing a large bowl of Lucky charms and a sake glass turned cereal bowl for MangoJae, Jongup asked:

  
“So why are you a mango, hyung? You were normal yesterday.”

  
“Because the Great Mango, the King of Everything that is Good and Just, the Lord of All, the Saviour of all Fruits except Apples because fuck Apples, our One True God, the Ruler of this Universe, the Almighty Fregetable, the Manggiah, the Greatest Man to ever Go has given me a mission.”

  
Shocked, Jongup looked at the fruit in front of him and said:

  
“What have apples ever done to you?”

  
“They exist. Anyway, that wasn’t my point, what I was trying to say is that- “

  
“Hyung! I expected better of you! I can’t believe you’re an applist!”

  
“Jongup. Stop. I’m trying to tell you why I TURNED INTO A FRUIT AND HERE YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT DISCRIMINATION, LOOK I DON’T MAKE THE RULES, APPLES ARE JUST BAD IN HIS EYES JEEZ.”

  
“Hyung, I still expected better of you. You were saying that this saviour of the one true god or something- “

  
“You mean the Great Mango, the King of Everything that is Good and Just, the Lord of All, the Saviour of all Fruits except Apples because fuck Apples, our One True God, the Almighty Fregetable, the Manggiah, the Greatest Man to ever Go.”

  
“Yeah, that guy, has given you a mission?”

  
The mango nodded, which was a very odd sight to see, because his entire body nodded, since he didn’t really have a head or an actual body.

  
“I have to be a Mango for another twenty minutes to be able to control the armies of Mangor. I really want this to be over, I can’t wait to get out of this round thing and back into my own body. I miss my neck and my collarbones. How am I supposed to kill my fans if I don’t have my collarbones?”

  
Jongup frowned slightly, worrying his bottom lip and looking at the vocalist in front of him and mumbled:

  
“Himchan must have put something in my tea before I went to bed. Even my subconscious can’t come up with this.”

  
The other laughed at this, chuckling: “Oh my dear Uppie. This isn’t a dream. I’ve really become a Mango, even if only for a while. And let me tell you, once I’m back to normal, I will command a power greater than you can imagine and anyone who stands in our way will bow down before me because- “

  
“Do you want to throw mangoes at our haters now? Isn’t that a bit childish, hyung? I mean they could get seriously hurt and wouldn’t you rather buy a new Rolex with your money than having to cover their hospital bill?”

  
“Don’t remind me of that Jongup. Damn strong kids.”

  
Jongup chuckled at MangoJae’s sour expression and saw a drop of mango juice flowing down his arm, sweeping it up and putting it into his mouth before cringing at the taste:

  
“Hyung stop being so grumpy, I can taste your salt.”

  
“Well that’s what you get for drinking me you id- “

  
A loud, piercing scream interrupted MangoJae’s lecture.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, first of all, I swear I was neither drunk nor high when I wrote this. I’m just naturally a weird person. This was inspired by a conversation I had with my girlfriend like ages ago when I was really tired and this is what came out of it. Also yes, this is going to be a chaptered story but I’m not yet sure how long it will be or when I'll have the time to update this. I hope you enjoyed my tired, weird brainfarts.


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